Looking back....

I spent last night thinking about this blog and what my intentions are by writing it.  The first thought that came was, "The truth shall set us free."  I lived for quite a few years living a lie.  My life was spiraling down- in my marriage, my finances and my peace of mind.  Yet, instead of opening up and sharing this with anyone, I retreated into the fake world of a plastered smile and "Everything's great!"  I held so much fear in my heart that my personal failures (as I saw them) would turn friends off.  Would bring the disapproval of my family.  Would scare my children.  On and on my mind went down that road.  I have lived so much of my life as a people pleaser; truly caring more about other peoples' opinions about me more than my own opinion about myself.  I was so afraid of slowing down and looking inside.  I had no idea who I really was.  What did I want?  What did I stand for?  What was my purpose here?  My life had come to a crossroads.  I had to dig deep, do some real soul searching and make some hard decisions.  My decisions led to some more hard decisions and the fallout led me down a dark road where I learned some incredible life lessons.  I was forced to create a sense of TRUST in myself.  There, that's what I want to say in today's post.  TRUST.  Do you trust yourself?  Really?  Do you follow your instincts?  Listen to that "voice" that guides you?  I used to not.  Things got sticky.  I started PAYING ATTENTION to my own desires.  I started talking less and listening more.  I started trusting that the Universe is out to make me happy.  I started trusting that my life is unfolding just as it should be.  This trust was not present 3 years ago....it's been something new and I work on trust constantly.  When I started this business I trusted the people on my team.  They had achieved success and they now wanted to pay that forward to me.  They believed in me before I believed in myself.  That is an awesome gift that we can give to one another.  To hold someone in a higher vibration, to see them as successful, to expect greatness from them- that's empowering!!  It's an amazing thing that when you expect greatness, people will live into that.  It may take time to get there, but the seed is planted and with nurturing, mentoring and a spirit of contribution- success is possible for all of us.  My early days in this business were difficult.  I had high energy, loved our products, knew that they worked....but somehow I was way off the mark.  I over-talked our business to everyone I knew and loved.  I was living in a place of "need" and my neediness would ooze over everyone I spoke to about my "business opportunity."  I was truly shocked when no one joined me for the first nine months.  I thought they were idiots, to be honest!!!  How could they not see the brilliance of what I was offering?!?  Now, looking back, it is so clear to me.  I wasn't "sharing information."  I was beating them over the head with "You need to do this!!!"  Here's the thing- we don't know, what we don't know.  I was doing the best I could at the time, with the tools I had.  I was about 5 minutes down the road of my personal growth journey, so it's not surprise to me now.  TRUST was not high on my value's list at the time.  Our circumstances were so intense back then.  It felt like we were drowning and being positive almost seemed comical.  I have memories of looking up at the sky and thinking, "Really?  Really?  How much do I need to endure?"  At this point in time I started diving into so many books.  I filled my mind with the words and ideas of Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Jim Rohn and many others.  I started to realize that my thoughts were creating my reality.  Joe got onboard with this new "idea" and we started talking about the life we wanted, in place of complaining about the life we were currently living.  I know it sounds a bit off, but please TRUST me, it works.  We would sit on the trailer porch and have conversations about, "Won't it be great when we are sitting on our wrap around porch of our beautiful, spacious farmhouse."  We would go on for hours in this theme, "Won't it be awesome when we go.....and own......and travel to.....and have a life of freedom...and....and...."  The joy and happiness we felt during those conversations- well, it was REAL. Nothing had changed on the outside  of our lives- but on the inside, we were transforming!  This is the first lesson I'd love to pass onto everyone today.  Work on transforming your inner world and TRUST that your outer world will transform.  To live the life of our dreams, we need to become the person who would live such a life!  It's an amazing journey!  Take it on!  Thank you for taking sharing your time with me.  Ultimately, we are all on this journey together!